Is your teen truly lazy?
I cringe when I hear that teens are lazy.
They are lazy - sometimes. Nothing sets my hair on fire faster than my teen telling me the chore list isn’t done because he “wasn’t feeling it.”
I cringe because, often, lazy is misinterpreted:
“He never wants to do anything but sit in the basement and play video games.”
“I find completed work in their backpack that they just never bothered to turn in.”
“She can't manage to get up on time for school and sneaks home to sleep in the middle of the day.”
These are all true. But, are they necessarily lazy?
We all have moments when inertia takes over – the remote is too far away or the laundry sits in the dryer for another 12 hours. That’s everybody-does-it, hum-drum lazy. I’m talking here about chronic laziness.
Case in point: My mother despised my messiness as a teen. I was A-OK with not being able to see my carpet. She thought it was an abomination.
Did I know how to clean my room? YES. Did I care to? NO. Was I lazy? Also NO.
If we look at laziness from a brain science perspective, it might actually be a secondary problem - the outward presentation of a primary issue.
I now know that I organize visually (and I don’t mind wrinkles). I could take the cabinet doors off and be perfectly content. My mom and I finally reached a detente by simply closing my door.
Think about it this way.
The problem isn’t that the noodles are soggy, it’s that they were cooked too long. Secondary = gelatinous ramen. Primary = Working Memory issue (forgot to set a timer).
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Some primary reasons your teen might seem lazy:
Learning Disabilities: Kids often struggle silently with learning disabilities simply because it’s their normal. They wonder why everyone else seems to get it so easily. The later the diagnosis, the higher the risk of them becoming disinterested (or worse) with school.
ADHD: Kids with ADHD have trouble sustaining focus on topics or activities that don’t interest them. Or they may have trouble with impulse control. Or both.
Sleep Issues: I secretly believe that Romeo and Juliet is a cautionary tale about the dangers of teenage sleep deprivation. The whole thing unravels because Romeo was up for three nights straight, right?! Seriously, this is a big one. Do you have a chronic poor sleeper? Or are they just staying up too late?
Depression and/or Anxiety: Low motivation and energy are the hallmarks of depression. We also know that kids with anxiety are less intrinsically motivated. Don’t underestimate the impact of mental health challenges.
Relationship: Research shows that relationships between teens and their parents/guardians are indicators of interest in school and goal setting - for better AND for worse.
Other potential primary reasons? Maybe executive function challenges, a need for autonomy, an undiscovered medical issue, or just falling behind in class and needing some help.
Does your teen seem lazy?
Get curious! Talk to your teen - with genuine honesty, not criticism- and tell them what you’ve noticed. Ask them what they think might be happening. The Parallel Project is here to help too. Book a time to talk with us.
PS- my favorite lazy hack is to grab things off the floor with my toes so I don't have to bend over. What’s yours?
